Mass Effect: Scarlet Touch
by Kaden-san
Summary: Post Ending ME3. Created 4th choice. Shepard figured out the Reapers riddle and discovered a fourth choice but at a great cost to millions. The weight of decisions is a heavy burden to bear alone and Shepard needs to come to understand and accept them fully.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: There are a million reasons why the ending of ME3 was such a letdown and there are multitudes of forums where one can debate all of this. This proposed ending in this story is something that struck me as plausible but it is not the central point of the story. Please do not leave a review stating how this ending is not possible and is horrible. It will fall on deaf ears.**_

* * *

"Choose. You must make a choice."

John Shepard stared at the ghost-like little boy in front of him and he willed the creator of the Reapers to help him understand. In his gut John knew there was something that he was missing and the longer he stared at the Reaper's creator the more certain he became of this fact.

_'The eyes are the windows to the soul.'_

Or that was how the saying went and this ghost-like little boy's eyes were filled with a mixture of emotions. Behind all the condescending, know-it-all intelligence and arrogance there was pride, amusement, disappointment and…hope? John shook his head to clear the pain and blood from his eyes but when he refocused back on those eyes the hope didn't disappear.

"You have the universe in the palm of your hand right now but you look beaten. Like you are resigned to this fate. What are you afraid of?"

"Afraid? Afraid of what? Of whom? Your destruction is imminent and unavoidable. You must make a choice Shepard. Control, destruction or evolution."

John shook his head again despite the pain and grinned at the creator of the Reapers. He struggled to stand, to get off his knees and symbolically show that the Reapers didn't own him…or mankind.

"No, no, my girlfriend is a psychologist and you pick up things when you are dating a shrink. You are afraid of something and I want to know what has you afraid of me. Of us. Go on, tell me what it is."

"You mistaken and delusional. Choose Shepard."

Despite the agony from his many wounds, John staggered forward until he stood right in front of the smaller boy and the difference was noticeable. John crossed his arms, widened his stance and focused all of his remaining energy on glaring at the boy.

"There is another choice isn't there? One that you want me to choose but cannot tell me what it is."

This time the creator of the Reapers didn't respond and John knew he had hit the nail on the head. Since he was a gambling man he decided to push his fortune further and he thought back on everything that he knew about the Reapers.

"What happens to you?"

"I do not understand your question Shepard."

"I make a decision, the consequences of my decision ripple out across the universe and something happens to the Reapers. Humanity, all the other species and myself are taken care of but what about you? Where do you go?"

"I go back beyond your knowledge and comprehension Shepard."

John paused and reflected on the boy's answer. He nodded as it made sense but something about this line of questioning bugged him still.

"And what? You sleep? You recreate the Reapers if I destroy them? What do you do if I take control of them?"

"I observe."

"You observe until I fail. That's the Catch 22 isn't it? I control or destroy the Reapers for a while but you come back and remake them and no one is the wiser because you harvest or destroy all sentient life."

The magnitude of what John said and just found out blew his mind. It made sense after all because what person or being would give up this much power? Especially since it had been going on for so long?

"Yes."

"I knew it. I knew that there was something too good to be true about all of this. The fourth choice. The fourth choice is the key to all of this! And since the Reapers are all about balance, chaos, destruction and genocide that's what the fourth choice is."

John fell silent as the answer dawned on him and he hit his forehead. He grimaced at the pain but his eyes were bright as he looked back down at the boy.

"Sacrifice. The fourth choice is sacrifice. But not our sacrifice. Your sacrifice!"

"Yes. I die and destroy the Reapers with my code and energy."

"Why?"

"I am older than you can imagine Shepard and have been repeating this cycle for as long as I can remember. Over the course of my many harvestings, the sentient beings and organics have both disgusted and impressed me. Humanity the most and you specifically. Humanity has the briefest life span of all sentient life but accomplish more than most other species and I constructed a fourth choice as I observed your species since your beginning."

John nodded and he closed his eyes when the boy reached out to touch his good forearm. Knowledge, memories and visions flashed before John's eyes and he experienced what the creator of the Reapers was talking about. He opened his eyes to see the little boy staring at him and smiling.

"Dealing with sentient beings for so long has rubbed off on me as you humans would say and I am tired. There is another who has the power to control the universe but that is for another time and we must discuss the particulars of this choice."

"What particulars?"

"Balance Shepard. I am all about balance and my sacrifice must be balanced by something or someone else."

The weight of the universe crashed back down on John and he staggered for a moment. He may have made a monumental discovery and saved the universe possibly but the Reapers creator wouldn't just let sentient life have a free pass.

"What did you have in mind?"

"In watching you on these past three installments Shepard I know how sacrificing and noble you are. You step back, listen and observe and then make your decision. You can be the counter sacrifice to my own sacrifice Shepard and in doing so help restore balance to the universe."

"Do it."

John didn't hesitate despite the turmoil of emotions churning in his gut and he closed his eyes as the boy reached for him again. He wondered if he would experience any more pain or if his death would be quick and painless.

"I'm sorry I couldn't keep my promise Scarlet. My sweet, sweet Kelly."

Despite having his eyes closed John was blinded by a bright flash of light and what sounded like hurricane force winds. He grit his teeth and braced for the unknown but then the wind and light died down. Cautiously John cracked an eye open and witnessed something spectacular. A shimmery, vibrant white light stood between him and the black light from the sacrifice of the Reapers creator.

_"No John Shepard. You have sacrificed enough for freedom from this ancient evil. We will make the sacrifice instead in our gratitude for breaking the chain."_

John looked around him and saw an untold number of white shimmery beings in front of him. He closed his mouth with an audible snap and willed his eyes not to bug out of their sockets.

"Who are you?"

_ "We are the many that came before your species John Shepard. The one that you would know you call the Protheans. Our spirits and long forgotten technologies have been unleashed by your decision to sacrifice and we will step in your place."_

"But…what…how?"

_"Go John Shepard. Use that console over there to turn on the Crucible and rid the world of this unspeakable evil forever."_

John turned and stumbled over to the console the shimmery white being pointed to. He squinted through the haze one final time but saw nothing but black and white clashing together and raised his hand to press the button.

"Don't Shepard. Press that button and all your efforts will have been in vain. Honor our agreement and make your sacrifice."

The Reaper's creator spoke through the haze and resumed noise. John hesitated and shielded his face from the forces in front of him.

_"Have faith John Shepard. Believe."_

"You will fail Shepard and all sentient life will cease to exist."

"Now you sound like a Reaper. Forgive me Scarlet."

With a definitive movement Commander John Shepard slammed his hand down on the console and fell to the floor with a grunt as unbelievable pain coursed like white hot fire through his body.

* * *

Kelly Chambers watched from the cockpit as Joker piloted the Normandy through explosion after explosion and the shockwaves only drew closer. Five minutes ago the Reapers exploded in massive fireballs, horrible screeching and large pieces of debris crashing to Earth in fiery trails. The Crucible had fired off an impressive beam of black and white energy into the Citadel and the Citadel arms reflected that beam into many beams that ripped into the Reapers.

"EDI give me full manual control and put all other available power into the frontal shields."

"Yes Jeff."

Kelly gripped the back of Joker's chair as she had seen the Commander due many times and prayed that the Normandy would make it through this mess. Garrus stood beside her, holding onto EDI's chair and the Turian's expression was one of grim determination. Kelly knew that Shepard commanded Garrus and fellow Spectre Ashley Williams to fall back to the Normandy after both were wounded from a flying Alliance ground vehicle of all things during the charge to the beam.

"Do you see a way out Joker?"

"Working on it Garrus. Gimme a second!"

Joker had earned his reputation as the best pilot in the Alliance but the odds were too slim in Kelly's fearful opinion. The Normandy would be in the clear if they could clear the Reaper blockade in Earth's atmosphere but all thoughts left Kelly's mind when Joker sat up straight and stopped moving.

"What's wrong Joker? Why'd you stop?"

"There's no exit this way. The Reapers are fleeing the beams from the Citadel and are firing on any fleeing ships at the same time. We need to change the game. EDI patch me into an open fleet-wide channel on all fleets."

"Patching you in Jeff."

Kelly looked at Joker like he was crazy and then at Garrus. The Turian shrugged and looked at Joker. Joker cleared his throat and sat up straighter.

"All fleets all fleets this is Alliance vessel the SS Normandy. Change flight paths to quadrant 231 Alpha and vectors 29-0. I say again, change flight paths to quadrant 231 Alpha and vectors 29-0. Enemy craft Reapers cannot fire on us without hitting their own."

Joker resumed his frantic finger-dance on the Normandy's flight panels and EDI aided him. The sudden downward shift in the Normandy's flight jostled Kelly but she regained her footing and saw Joker piloting the Normandy towards Earth's south pole.

"EDI keep me at full manual control but fire up shields all around at maximum. You two might want to strap in as this is going to be one crazy ride."

Garrus didn't wait and dragged Kelly with him to the nearest seats. As the two of them strapped in Joker told the crew to do the same on a ship-wide channel. Not a moment after Kelly signaled to Garrus that she was strapped in the Normandy pulled an insane maneuver followed by another. Kelly closed her eyes and her knuckles were white as she gripped her harness.

* * *

Admiral Hackett watched with a fierce sense of pride and accomplishment as Crucible performed its job flawlessly in his opinion of destroying the Reapers. His own ship, the _Merrimack_ flew around the outside of the Reaper blockade and her mighty cannons blasted away at anything Reaper tech.

"Admiral Hackett sir, the fleets inside the Reaper blockade have begun evasive patterns to escape what is believed to be the death knell of the Reaper fleet. The command was issued by Flight Lieutenant Moreau and all ships follow his commands sir."

"Very good. Any news or contact with Admiral Anderson or Commander Shepard?"

"None yet sir."

Admiral Hackett dismissed the junior officer with a nod and stared at the various explosions outside the viewport of his ship. For the first time in a long time the Admiral felt a sense of relief and he could feel a gigantic weight falling off his shoulders. An enormous threat to the galaxy had just been vanquished and mankind could rebuild.

"Commander Morgan."

"Yes Admiral?"

"Engage thrusters and frontal shields to maximum. Let's get in there and get our pound of flesh from the Reapers."

"Ooorah sir! Captain, all systems are a go. Engage!"

Admiral Hackett braced himself as the _Merrimack _rocketed forward and tore the nearest Reaper apart.

* * *

_"Wake up John Shepard."_

John first breath after what felt like death for the third time was sharp, deep and painful. Warm air settled into his lungs, forced his chest to expand and his eyes opened with a sudden start. Sunlight streamed in from all directions but the bright rays didn't hurt his eyes and he tried to control his breathing. An immense pain settled down on him and it took all of his willpower not to cry out.

_"Easy John Shepard. You have many wounds and you must not aggravate them further."_

The pain kept him from speaking and it felt like John had cotton in his mouth. A cool hand rested on his forehead and John felt the black void of unconsciousness pulling him back under.

_"Rest John Shepard. We will speak when you have healed enough to do so."_

* * *

The next time John Shepard regained consciousness it was to the same warm breeze and sunshine but this time he felt something sturdy beneath him and his vision was blocked due to a strip of cloth tied around his eyes. At least that's what the covering over his eyes felt like as he couldn't move any part of his body and all he could do was feel and hear.

_"The darkest and most painful part of your recovery has passed John Shepard. Soon you will be able to see and then after that move. Rest John Shepard. You need to regain your strength."_

Whoever was healing him had a soft but powerful voice and every time their hand touched him the pain lessened and John would fall unconscious once more. This happened twice more but on both occasions John's senses were sharper and at the second he could twitch his finger.

_"You have passed through time and understanding John Shepard. Time is irrelevant here and your battle scars will be covered with honorable art."_

The voice would come and go every now and then, always soothing and always gentle. Every time the person spoke they would speak a little of John's condition or the world in general.

_ "Your world has been freed John Shepard and your actions saved mankind as well as all other life. You need to regain your strength for your return."_

After an undeterminable amount of time the blindfold was taken off Shepard's eyes and strong hands helped him sit up. He blinked to make sure that the African safari like setting he was seeing was real and the sturdy surface on which he had been laying on was a hand-crafted wooden table with a light futon laid on top.

"Where am I?"

Combat fatigue and injuries were not new to John by any stretch of the imagination but this was the first time that his voice had been damaged in battle. His once strong, clear and confident tone now sounded scratchy, slight and uncertain. It was a shock to him but that soothing hand lay on his shoulder and he focused his gaze on a point in the distance.

_"Safe. Far removed from the war and destruction that almost claimed your life and essence."_

"Who are you?"

_"A friend. Rest John Shepard, the answers are coming."_

Fatigue caused John to lie back down and the band of cloth was laid across his eyes as he fell deeper into a healing sleep. He knew he was healing but not being able to move on his own was a complete shock to a man with an iron will and he felt slightly off.

* * *

_Earth: Temporary Alliance HQ. Three Months After Reapers Were Destroyed._

"Has there been any word on Commander Shepard's whereabouts?"

"Not yet sir."

Admiral Hackett nodded at the junior officer and resumed his brisk pace up the stairs to the temporary Alliance HQ 'war room'. The room wasn't pretty and reminded Admiral Hackett of the old wartime videos back when DVD's were around. Still, it was something as a solid communication link had been established and the top brass from the Alliance had relocated here quickly enough. The only one missing was the Alliance's hero and symbol of hope Commander John Shepard.

"Welcome Admiral. The crew of the Normandy during both tours has been rounded up and waits for you in the next room."

"Walk with me and make sure we are not disturbed. Also make sure all the exits are covered."

"Yes sir. Captain, you have the room and you heard the Admiral. No one in or out until the Admiral himself gives the all clear."

"Sir, yes sir!"

The general escorted Admiral Hackett into the next room and took his post beside the one door that led in and out of the room. Besides the general and the admiral, no other Alliance personnel were in the room except for Lieutenant Commander Williams, Sgt. Jack and Specialist Treynor. Before him, in various fashions, stances and places throughout the room stood the remaining crew from when Commander Shepard commanded the Normandy on both of his tours of duty.

"None of us have any free time so I'll get straight to the point. Have any of you heard from Commander Shepard or have any idea where he is or where he might be?"

* * *

_**A/N: Short and sweet. Trying my hand at psychology and mind games.**_


	2. Chapter 2

Silence met Admiral Hackett's questions and the powerful Alliance man had expected nothing less. Commander Shepard had run a tight, family like crew and even under all forms of torture none of his crew would give him up. The damn fools would try and help the Commander recover on his own and let Commander Shepard return to the world on his own time.

"Lieutenant Commander Williams, you were there almost until the end. Did you see if the Commander made it up to the Citadel?"

The raven-haired Spectre pushed off the wall and eased into parade rest despite her injuries and shook her head. Admiral Hackett noticed that the woman favored her right leg and that she didn't stray too far from the wall if she needed to brace herself. Despite her own personal physical, mental and emotional pain the woman had answered the Alliances call and Admiral Hackett had to hand it to the woman. She rose far above the black mark branded to her family name and would hopefully continue to serve the Alliance well.

"No sir. The commander told me good luck and that he'd see me when this was all over. Waiting on the commander just like you are sir."

"Very well Lieutenant Williams. Relax and take some pressure of that leg."

"Yes sir."

Admiral Hackett let his stony, unfathomable gaze drift to the tall Turian who stood near the female Spectre and like Lieutenant Commander Williams; Garrus Valkarian sported his own injuries. He didn't move from his position of leaning back against the wall like Williams had but Admiral Hackett expected this because if the rumors were true, Garrus Valkarian was Commander Shepard's battle buddy and right hand man.

"You have anything to add Garrus Valkarian?"

"No admiral but I know Shepard's not dead. He still owes me a beer and I intend to collect."

There were quiet, knowing chuckles amongst Shepard's crew and Admiral Hackett chuckled as well but he wasn't privy to the inside joke. He dismissed the Krogan leader Wrex Urdnot, the asari Justicar Samara, Jack, another Krogan named Grunt, Operative Jacob Taylor and even Flight Lieutenant Moreau but his gaze settled on Cerberus's Hell Hound and second in command Operative Miranda Lawson. It was quite something to see the woman's stunning beauty up close and in person but she looked a little worse for wear.

"Operative Lawson? Heard anything from your contacts?"

The woman in question shook her head like a queen and her cold as ice blue eyes met Admiral Hackett's gaze equally. That was quite a feat as the Admiral intimidated most folks but not Miranda Lawson apparently.

"I have not Admiral Hackett and neither have my sources."

Admiral Hackett wanted to press some more, possibly offer or threaten her with her Cerberus past but he doubted he would make it out of the room alive. The other asari Liara T'soni shook her head, as did the mercenary Zaeed and the thief Kasumi. He didn't bother with the former, reformed criminal known as Jack as her filthy speaking habits were already legendary. That left only one person and she was half hiding in the shadows despite her red hair.

"Ms. Chambers?"

Everyone in the room turned and looked at the woman but she didn't move a muscle let alone bat an eye. A painful sadness permeated the air around her and a deathly stillness as well.

"I agree with Garrus, Admiral, but that's all I know."

Despite the many emotions and checkered and decorated pasts in the room, Admiral Hackett believed all of them and he dismissed them with a sigh. He stepped out of the room first to signal that all was well and he heard everyone else leave in quiet footsteps and whispers.

"General Butler."

"Yes sir?"

"Watch the individuals that just left and monitor their every move. I know it won't be easy and even if the observers are discovered, keep them on their detail. I need all the information I can get my hands on right now."

"Yes sir."

Admiral Hackett saluted General Butler, about faced and left the 'war room' of Alliance HQ. He needed to talk to various other leaders like the Turian Primarch and begin negotiations in returning the multitude of favors humanity owed.

* * *

_Earth: London, England_

The refugee shuttle touched down on a landing pad in London, England but John Shepard waited for the majority of the other passengers to disembark the shuttle before rolling out in his wheelchair and into war-shelled London. The little girl that accompanied him from the place of healing skipped alongside him and chattered excitedly. Such joy and excitement lifted John's spirits and the little girl motioned towards a non-descript building.

"Is that going to be our new home?"

"Yes, yes. Come on."

John and Aiya, the little girl, spoke in quiet tones of an unidentified language that John was somehow able to understand from his time in his initial place of healing. The location still eluded his mind as well as the identity of the person or persons who healed him but he could still feel the warm sunshine.

"Ah, Commander Shepard. I was expecting you."

The front door to the building opened and a tall, African American woman stood in the doorway. Her warm eyes gazed at John and she motioned for him to enter as she stepped out of the way. John was curious as to how the woman knew his identity as he was covered from head to toe in a thick white robe and a cowl covered his face. He also had standard medical bandages holding his wounds together and one covered his right eye.

"No worries commander. No one knows that you are here and I will not use your name if we have guests or visitors. You need to heal and rest. The clean up effort can manage without you for a while I dare say."

"Thank you for your discretion and hospitality. Is my room big enough to host my little friend there?"

John's question indicated Aiya who was staring out one of the large windows and the older woman nodded with a smile. She gestured down the hallway with her hand and John rolled after her. The woman stood outside a large room on the ground floor and John noticed the comfortable looking bed and few pieces of furniture like a dresser and full-length mirror in the room.

"Thank you. This will be fine."

"I wish I could offer you more commander for all you have done for humanity but my task is simply to heal your body and let your mind rest. If you want something just call for Neora as that's my name."

"Thank you Neora."

Neora bowed her leave and John sighed as he sat in the center of his new room. He wheeled himself over to the mirror and looked at himself. The white robes hid his form well and nobody would be able to guess his identity. John braced himself and exerted great effort to stand up. He opened his eyes and pulled off his outer, protective robe. Once that article of clothing fell to the floor John peeled off his long sleeve shirt and the thick, medical bandages that wrapped around his torso.

"I might be uglier than Garrus when these heal over."

Heavy, violent bruises of the darkest purples and blacks covered John Shepard's upper torso and a large once gaping wound on his right side where his armor failed during the mission to hold the courtyard so the artillery could fire. Three ribs were broken on his right side and various scrapes and gashes littered his torso.

"Mister John you shouldn't strain yourself."

"I know little one but this is the first time I have seen my injuries and I want to know what I survived."

John smiled at Aiya through the mirror and pulled up the legs of his pants. His armor and protective suit underneath (a stipulation from Kelly) had performed their jobs and protected him from the beam from the ground to the Citadel but his legs were burned from quite the near miss from the Reaper's beam. With a sigh John let his pant legs drop and he eased himself to lay down on the bed. Aiya wasted no time and snuggled up to him with her head on his chest and thumb in her mouth.

"Good night Mister John."

"Good night little one."

* * *

_Earth: London, England. Six Months After Reapers Were Destroyed._

Kelly Chambers wiped the sweat from her brow and looked up at the tall structure that the Alliance brass had given the surviving crew members of the Normandy. Or what was left of it anyways after the Reaper attack and looters ransacking the place. Ashley Williams had taken charge of the reconstruction efforts to the building and assigned teams based off everyone's skills and schedules. Kelly found herself working with Dr. Chakwas and Liara most of the time and she found it soothing as the other two women knew John almost as well as she did.

"Here we go dear. Take a break."

Speaking of the good doctor, Chakwas handed Kelly a bottle of water and leaned back against the front of the building. Kelly's team worked to rip up all the old boards from the front deck and then Jacob's team would replace them.

"Thanks."

"How is your work going in dealing with survivors of the Reaper war?"

"Going all right I think. The veterans are helping out the rookies and healing is happening."

"That's good to hear."

Kelly used her extensive physiological knowledge and degrees to help Alliance soldiers get back in the fight and resume their mission of clearing out the remaining Husks and various Reaper ground forces. The Crucible had destroyed the Reapers and Reaper ships but the Reaper ground forces were spared for some reason. Although the scope and focus of the war had changed, an enormous task was upon the militaries of various species and Kelly didn't see the war effort dying down for a couple more years. At least the Alliance had air superiority here on Earth and the Alliance used this advantage with lethal efficiency.

"Yes, these boys and men want nothing more than to be cleared to fight for their homes but they need to work through their issues first. Anyways, back to work."

Kelly stood up, finished her water bottle and threw it in one of the numerous dumpsters that lined the streets. She knew that Chakwas wanted to talk to her, ask her if she was okay as everyone knew that Kelly missed the Commander the most and Kelly brushed them off every time. There was no time and need for her to burden the scarred and beaten individuals who gave everything they had in saving the universe from extinction.

* * *

_Earth: London, England. Six Months After Reapers Were Destroyed._

"You ready to go for a walk little one?"

"Yes Mister John."

John Shepard smiled as he rolled himself out of his room, fresh bandages soaked in healing gel working their magic on his injuries and he nodded at Neora who stepped out of the kitchen. Aiya stood by the front door, tugging on her little pink rain boots and adjusting her matching rain hat. Despite the lack of sunshine, John needed to get out of the house and decided a walk would help ease his cabin fever.

"Take it easy out there commander. No need to overdo it."

"Yes Neora."

When Aiya tugged the heavy front door open John rolled out after her and turned right down the street. He smiled as Aiya jumped in all the puddles, giggling and her umbrella shielded her from most of the rain. Ever since his return from "beyond space and time" as the mysterious person had called it, John lived each day to its fullest and noticed the little things like Aiya's enjoyment in puddle jumping. Innocence such as hers had been all but lost to him in his three-year struggle to defeat the Reaper threat.

"Stop frowning Mister John. You'll bring on more rain!"

"You're right little one. Did you learn anything from Neora today?"

"No, we were working on my mathematics."

John chuckled at Aiya's long-suffering sigh and stretched out an arm to nudge her shoulder. She squealed and ran behind him. Aiya pushed him and John would help her steer from time to time but she was strong enough to push him on her own. They passed by a couple hurrying to get out of the rain and John motioned over to the empty park that had somehow survived the war.

"I'll watch you play little one."

"Okay Mister John."

Aiya skipped away after peering up at him from underneath his cowl and John smiled at her. As Aiya was busy playing on the playground John looked around at the destruction of the Reapers but with a fierce pride he noticed the visible rebuilding efforts. So deep into his musings and reflections he didn't notice someone coming up behind him until they stood next to him.

"That your child?"

"She's not mine but I look after her yes."

"Warms my heart to see her playing it does. Reminds me that the Reaper bastards haven't crushed our spirit after all."

John nodded his agreement and recoiled when he looked up to see Specialist Treynor standing next to him. His mind flashed back to the last time he saw his former Specialist and how she stood at attention with tears in her eyes as she saluted him when he left the Normandy for the last time. Treynor looked good, sporting no visible injuries from the Reaper war and for that John was grateful.

"What's her name?"

"Aiya."

"Oh such a beautiful name. How old is she?"

"Eight I believe."

The experience felt surreal and John answered Treynor's questions on autopilot as his mind worked at a million miles per hour. Was Treynor staying with family? Did she know if the others in his old crew had survived and where they were? Did she know if Kelly was alive and okay? John wanted to ask Treynor all of this but he didn't want her to see him like this and the shame and guilt of his decisions choked him.

"Who is she?"

Aiya's quiet question was a relief for John and relief coursed through him when she didn't use his name. Even in their special language John didn't know if Aiya's nickname for him 'Mister John' would be hidden and Treynor would understand it. He knew from watching the extranet and news that any and all news about him was being speculated and discussed from every angle because everyone wanted to thank him…or curse him.

"A woman from my past little one. She was a member of my crew when I commanded a ship and she doesn't recognize me. Our little secret yeah?"

"Okay!"

Aiya giggled and made the motions of locking her lips and throwing away the key. Out of the corner of his eye John saw Treynor watching, amused if her expression as anything to go by and Aiya scrambled to peek out from behind John's wheelchair when Treynor looked at her.

"I won't bite. What's your name?"

Treynor leaned over and put her hands on her knees as she smiled at Aiya. Aiya looked at her with her wide, expressive eyes but didn't say anything and John was conflicted. On one hand he wanted Aiya to introduce herself as the girl was painfully shy with others but on the other hand he was happy she wasn't talking. He didn't say anything and Treynor straightened with that genuine smile still on her face.

"It's okay. I was shy when I was your age. Do you two live around here?"

"A little walk but yes we are staying here in London."

"Pardon me for asking directly but were you injured in the war or is there another health reason why you are covered up in those robes?"

Despite his anxiety John chuckled as this was the Treynor he knew; direct and blunt but meaning it in the best way possible. He looked at her from underneath his cowl and smiled even though she wouldn't be able to see it.

"Injuries from the war."

"Are you seeking medical help? I know an excellent doctor who would be able to take a look at them and a gifted psychologist who could help you deal with the stress of having been injured like you are."

At the mention of a good doctor John's mind brought up Dr. Chakwas and hope blossomed in his chest as he knew another member of his crew had survived but it was the gifted psychologist part that made John grip his wheelchair arms tighter. Did Treynor mean Kelly?

"Excuse us."

As if sensing his mental state, Aiya turned John's wheelchair around and pushed them away from the park and Treynor.

"Oi! I'm sorry I brought your injuries up and I only meant to help you! Bollocks!"

John heard Treynor jog to catch up to them and she stepped in front of John as Aiya continued to push him. Aiya didn't stop and it felt like Aiya was pushing them faster, which caught Treynor off-guard and made her almost trip over her feet to walk backwards.

"I'm sorry, I really am! Please let me explain!"

When Treynor didn't stop talking Aiya stopped pushing John, ran around the wheelchair and glared up at Treynor with her hands on her hips angrily. She pointed at Treynor and her scowl deepened.

"Get out of our way! You brought up bad memories and caused Mister John to be sad. You big meanie!"

To punctuate her outburst of unintelligible babble since she didn't rant in English, Aiya kicked Treynor in the leg and shoved her. Treynor winced and stumbled back a few steps. Aiya ran to push John forward and away from Treynor. John registered the exchange but didn't say anything as his mind was replaying memories of Kelly and him together.

"I'm sorry!"


	3. Chapter 3

Treynor's final cry brought on fresh memories for John as his mind took him through the times when he cried that phrase into Kelly's hair, whispered it to the people he couldn't save and ranted it to politicians who expected too much from him. Bless her little heart as Aiya didn't stop and pushed him all the way back to Neora's house. The woman must have seen them coming as she opened the front door and smiled at them.

"Have fun in the rain?"

John was lost in his memories, not hearing Neora and this prompted Aiya to try and explain. She didn't speak English but Neora must have gotten the message as she pushed John into the house and then into his room. Aiya clambered to sit on John's bed as Neora eased John's cowl off his head and cupped his face in her warm hands.

"Come back to us commander. Aiya wants to talk to you and I have supper ready."

"A member of my crew was there at the park today. Specialist Treynor."

"I see. Do you want to talk about it?"

This was the best thing about Neora as she never pressed an issue despite her own curiosity and John shook his head. Neora nodded and ushered Aiya out of the room. It wasn't until the shadows crept over his room did John come out of his memories and he rolled out of his room towards the kitchen.

"Good to see you again commander."

"Mister John!"

Aiya ran over and hugged as much of John as she could with him sitting in the chair. To correct this, John picked her up and sat her down on his lap.

"Hey little one. Did you eat some of Neora's supper?"

"Yeah, she made chicken noodle soup and she gave me animal crackers to play with!"

"That was nice of her. Did you say thank you?"

Aiya nodded her head and John smiled up at Neora. The older woman smiled, rolled her eyes and went back to cleaning up from supper. A steaming bowl of soup sat at John's spot at the table and he wheeled himself over to it. Aiya crawled down off his lap and went back over to her place setting where she was drawing pictures with crayons. All was good for now and the memories were put off for at least a little while.

* * *

Kelly sat at the table in the kitchen of her soon to be new home when she saw Treynor walk in from outside. The Alliance communication specialist looked horrible, her eyes glassy with unshed tears and she tried to walk past Kelly.

"Come sit and join me for some tea Treynor."

Not surprisingly, Treynor plomped herself into another seat as Kelly rose and went to set the kettle on the stove. As she rummaged for some tea she looked back over her shoulder and saw Treynor sitting with her head in her hands.

"Didn't have a good time on your walk?"

"No my walk was wonderful, allowed me to clear my head and see how the rebuilding efforts are doing. I just feel horrible because I put my foot in my mouth again with someone who fought in the Reaper war."

"Does this someone have a name?"

Kelly reclaimed her chair and set a second tea mug down in front of Treynor. Treynor wrapped her hands around it but didn't drink it and shook her head.

"They never told me their name and I didn't ask. Besides they were covered from head to toe in a white robe and kept their face turned away from me."

"Was he a soldier?"

"I don't know."

Treynor quickly recapped her encounter with the man she felt she slighted and on the inside Kelly winced. Treynor had the best of intentions but like she said earlier, she had no tact and wound up putting her foot in her mouth most of the time.

"Tell me how to make this right Kelly. Please."

"I can't. I have no idea who he is, where he is and I don't have his psych profile. I have nothing to go on."

Kelly reached across the table and patted Treynor's hand. The other woman sighed but nodded and took a sip of her tea. Kelly mimicked her and footsteps could be heard coming down the rickety stairs. Vega walked into the kitchen and greeted them with a short hello. The women nodded to him and the conversation moved onto happier topics.

* * *

"We go to see the ships today Mister John?"

John Shepard looked up from watching Neora re-dress his wounds and grinned at Aiya. The little girl sat on his bed, legs crossed Indian style and her face in her hands. Over the past several months John had healed from most of his physical injuries and his Cerberus cybernetics sped up the pace. Due to his advanced healing rate, John's smaller injuries had healed and his larger ones had shrunk which allowed him to get out and do more. Aiya had expressed an interest in the spaceships and John promised her they would visit a spaceport when he was able. That time was now and Aiya was a little impatient to get going.

"All right little one, the commander is ready to go. Do you have your lunch ready?"

"Yes!"

Aiya scrambled off the bed and sprinted in the direction of the kitchen. A moment later she returned with her lunch and John's. Neora patted John on the shoulder and he wheeled himself to the front door. Aiya pulled it open after placing the lunches on John's lap and she ran down to the street.

"Careful little one. You go slow and watch our friend ya hear?"

"Yes Neora."

"See you soon Neora."

John rolled down the ramp to the street and turned in the direction of the nearest spaceport. Aiya skipped beside him, jabbering about what she wanted to see and do once they arrived and performed the occasional cartwheel. Ten minutes later John and Aiya stopped at a bench that overlooked the spaceport below and Aiya braced herself against the railing. She whooped as the first spaceship took off and looked back at John as she pointed to it. John nodded and recalled his many years moving from ship to ship and shuttle to shuttle.

"An Alliance pilot in the making it looks like."

The strong, confident tone of Ashley Williams made John turn his head a little and he smiled as she looked just like he remembered. She must have just returned from a mission or from outside the 'safe-zone' (outside of London) as she wore her characteristic blue armor.

"She's a little young yet."

"I understand. Let em' enjoy their childhood as long as they can."

"Something like that."

Unlike Treynor, Ashley didn't invoke strong memories of the Reaper war and John was thankful. Part of him knew that as the second human Spectre Ashley Williams could take care of herself and she had turned the tide in many hopeless scenarios plenty of times.

"She yours?"

"I'm her guardian."

"She an orphan from the war?"

"I don't know."

It was strange to be fielding questions about Aiya and John realized how little he knew about his younger companion. Aiya had appeared from the place 'beyond space and time' and John had never questioned it. She helped him without question or complaint and he never wondered why. He shook off these thoughts however because now was not the time to be thinking about them and looked up just as Aiya walked back over.

"You like the shuttles huh?"

John watched carefully as Aiya regarded Ashley through her wide, innocent eyes and sighed when Aiya hid behind his chair again like she had done with Treynor. He had hoped that Aiya would move beyond her shyness but tomorrow would be another day and John tensed when his biotics sensed another powerful biotic nearby. A short, lithe woman soared over the railing from the level below and touched down on their level with a ripple of blue biotics.

"Williams where the hell have you been?"

"Easy Jack, I just returned to the 'safe-zone' a few minutes ago via shuttle and was talking with my new friends here."

John smiled again as Ashley was using one of his conversational tricks when he wanted to put someone at ease or diffuse a potentially volatile situation. And Jack was a ticking time bomb ready to blow up at a moments notice. Jack had grown her hair a little longer but still shaved the sides and wore the too small jacket over a skin-tight white Alliance uniform. Her trademark 'kick-ass' boots adorned her feet and she sported a pair of black fingerless gloves.

"What the cripple and the little snot?"

"I'm not little!"

Aiya burst out from behind John's wheelchair and glared up at Jack with her hands on her hips. The standoff was quite comical as Aiya was two feet shorter than Jack but the little girl stared down the world's most powerful biotic without an ounce of fear. This surprised John as he figured out of all the people in his crew Aiya would be afraid of Jack but he had been surprised by less and watched the situation unfold.

"You are too! You're like two feet shorter than me."

"Take it back!"

"No! I'm right!"

John called to Aiya and she ran back over to him but not before sticking her tongue out at Jack. Jack started, still hating any form of disrespect but Ashley stopped her with an outstretched arm. Jack fumed but stopped advancing. Ashley turned to them and smiled.

"Sorry about that. My team mate speaks before she thinks some times and I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

"I'm not little."

"Of course not. You're a big girl."

"Calm down Aiya."

John just realized that Aiya spoke in English and smiled as progress was being made. She may still be shy but short phrases in English were becoming the norm for Aiya and this was the first time she spoke in public. Aiya nodded beside him and Jack vented her frustration by crushing a nearby trashcan with her biotics.

"Cool!"

All anger was forgotten as Aiya witnessed this and she ran over to inspect the trashcan. She looked back at Jack, back to the trashcan and then back at Jack. Jack smirked and crossed her arms underneath her breasts.

"Cool trick huh?"

"Teach me!"

"I can't. You're not a biotic."

Aiya pouted but nodded and returned to stand next to John. Ashley's communicator bleeped and she sighed.

"I'm sorry but I have to go. It was nice meeting you. Come on Jack."

The two women left and Aiya returned to watching the shuttles take off in the spaceport below. John sat back in his chair content as this reunion with two members of his crew didn't bring up bad memories and two small pieces of the large weight on John's shoulders fell off as he now knew two other members of his crew had survived.

* * *

Later that afternoon John sat in the doorway that led outside of Neora's house and was doing his best to explain to Aiya that she couldn't come with him on this outing. The two of them had returned an hour ago from the spaceport and John had seen a flyer for a speaking rally nearby.

"This is a little bit above your head little one and you won't understand what's going on."

"But I want to go with you! I always go with you!"

"I know but not this time."

Aiya's bottom lip trembled and she stormed away. John sighed but when he looked up Neora waved him out and smiled.

"I'll take care of her. Go on, you need to reconnect with the world."

"Thank you."

John turned around and rolled down to the street. The rally wasn't that far from Neora's house and John arrived ten minutes later. He situated himself on the edge of the crowd, near the buildings but close enough that he could see and hear the speaker just fine. The speaker had already taken his platform and spoke well enough about the rebuilding efforts and making sure that the crime rate stayed low.

"But you haven't told us how you're going to do it."

The heavy Australian accent gave Miranda Lawson away and John smiled as he realized she stood next to him. Fate, it seemed, wanted him to see his crew today and he saw Jacob not too far away in the crowd. The other ex-Cerberus operative didn't appear to be paying attention to the speaker but instead surveying the crowd. John realized that the two ex-Cerberus operatives were working as a pair as Miranda listened to the speaker while Jacob did crowd control.

"What a complete waste of time."

John agreed and rolled away without speaking to Miranda. He had a little girl to go make nice to after all.

* * *

Kelly shook her head and sighed as the park turned out to be deserted. For two weeks now, every spare moment she had she would visit the park, the spaceports and the market place in the hopes of meeting this mysterious and illusive man in white robes and a wheel chair. It seemed like everyone else from the Normandy crew had met with this man and the little girl named Aiya but her.

"Come on!"

Kelly threw up her hands in frustration and turned to head back to the Normandy crew's residence. Her gut was telling her that this mysterious man was important and that he needed to be found. Tally had met him in the market yesterday, Jack and Ashley at the spaceport, Garrus on the street of all places and Miranda and Jacob at a speaker's rally. Although it should come as no surprise given her contacts and information networks, Liara had met him in the park while the little girl Aiya played on the playground.

"Tomorrow. I'll find him tomorrow."

* * *

Like all major cities, even those in a massive rebuilding effort after a war, had slums and John Shepard rolled through them with Aiya walking at his side. He wanted to see how the people were doing and no one could give you a better perspective than the less fortunate ones. Over the past month John had met with most of his crew and spoken to them but without revealing his identity. When outright asked who he was, as a darkly humored joke, John would say that his name was 'Nameless'. It hadn't gone over so well with his crew but either his persona or Aiya had kept further questions at bay.

_"You needed them commander and they you on both tours of duty. You needed people you could trust, whose skills were beyond exemplary and they needed a leader to unite all of them together."_

Neora's wisdom reverberated through John's head and he knew she spoke the truth. He had come to rely on them as more than just his crew as they became his friends and the family he didn't have since he was an orphan.

"I don't need to help the damn Alliance rebuild anything! They came, conscripted dad back into the service and he was killed the very next day. They can go suck it for all I care!"

"That's not the correct attitude at all Mark! Your father wasn't conscripted, he chose to answer the Alliance's call and he died protecting your future!"

John stopped at the end of the street and watched as a tearful mother clung to her teenage son's sleeve as it looked like the boy was storming out. Aiya shrank into the side of his chair and John rested a hand on her head. He rolled across the street and cleared his throat to gather the mother and son's attention.

"Don't blame your mother or the Alliance son. Blame me instead."

"What? Who the hell are you? Get lost cripple!"

"Mark!"

John held up a hand to stop the mother because he understood that the teenager was speaking out of anger and hurt. John reached up and for the first time since he recovered and while outside, he pulled back his cowl. His bright amber eyes gazed up at the teenager and his gaze was heavy and firm. The shock of seeing _the_ Commander John Shepard showed on the mother and son's faces and John smiled.

"Your father answered the Alliance's call son and he died a hero. If you want to blame anyone for your father's death blame me as I was the one that brought the attention of the Reapers directly to mankind."

"No, you didn't! You saved us! The Reapers came because we were closest."

John shook his head and sighed. Aiya took his hand in both of hers and the comforting gesture soothed him.

"No, the Batarians were closest and I killed them all by blowing up a relay in an effort to delay the Reapers."

"That's why you were supposed to be put on trial and were sent to prison."

"Yes. I live with that decision every day but that's not the point. You're angry, I understand that and you have a right to be angry. Just do yourself and your mother a favor and look inside yourself to see what you're angry at."

"Yes commander."

John smiled and pulled back up his cowl. He turned around and motioned for Aiya to follow him.

"Commander!"

John stopped and turned around. He didn't take his cowl off and saw the teenager swallow hard.

"If I wanted to serve the Alliance and get back at the bastards who did this, could you put in a good word for me?"

"No promises but I can try."

Aiya ran back and grabbed the scrap of paper that the teenager held out. John rolled back down the street and hurried back to Neora's house because the word was soon to spread. Commander John Shepard was alive and here on Earth in London, England.


End file.
